Tuesday, September 1, 2015

make me love you, Lord

been couch potato all day today. still lying on the couch and staring on my blank screen. i do not know what to write. 

every time i thought of writing something
i want to cry.
no, actually i want to bowl. 
i don't really know why
but of course that statement
is all wrap up in a lie.

have you searched my heart my God?
Have you found something of yours in there?
Have you seen the rough edges?
the callous and the actual emptiness?

You might not believe this my God
but despite all that 
this heart is longing for you
for your fulfillment 
for the flooding of your grace

this heart wants to fall in love with you
again and again and again
this heart wants to see beauty in everything
knowing that you are its everything

make me love you Lord
make me long for you
make me hunger for you
devastate my heart with your presence

that i may live my life
every single minute of it for the purpose
of serving you, of pleasing you, of loving you

Tuesday, July 7, 2015

it's all about you

it's all about you, Jesus
and all this is for you
for your glory and your fame
it's not about me
as if you should do things my way
you alone are God and i surrender,
to your ways

Jesus, lover of my soul
all consuming fire is in your gaze
Jesus, i want you to know
i will follow you all my days
no one else in history is like you

history itself belongs to you
Alpha & Omega you have loved me
i will spend eternity with you

i did not mean to write all the lyrics of this song in this entry. i came in to work today and one of my co-worker was singing this and it stuck to me the whole day. yes, i think it must be what they call as the last song syndrome but i'd like to think that God is speaking to my heart through this song too.

God speaks to us in many different ways. and lately he has been tugging into my heart - reminding me through his words that though i may not truly understand everything that is going on, his hands is still leading me towards him if i choose to honor him.

choosing God everyday is a challenge because there are situations that are not in favor to my comfort.  i keep reminding myself that the steps that i take must lead to character and faith growth.

every single step i choose to follow now will show who or what will i become - a person so in love with my Savior that it shows in every thing that i say & do.

Thursday, July 2, 2015

paloma-berry wedding day

some more family & friends photos during our wedding. 

amazing shot by my cousin 

les & pipa

sister & boyfriend

pipa & gail


brother & sidsel

auntie emma, ranley & mom emelene

che & basti


kim, gail & maddy

ptr. kim & gail


kim, maddy & carsten


les & tin

sister & sidsel

with katrina

receiving our first gift of the day
pipa love

lady friends
with paulo
with mame margie

Tuesday, June 30, 2015

my views on same-sex marriage

for days now the news that the us government has legalized same-sex marriage has been a source for a very lively discussion. though i live in a country that still values the institution of marriage based on the Bible, i am still affected and deeply saddened. though the decision does not affect us legally it still is felt globally because of social media; my own social media accounts are very colorful because of the rainbow colored profiles in support and celebration of this ruling. 

i felt that i have to say something about this issue and i remember that i have read something about this topic written by a perceptive and gracious woman. in it she summarized what i felt and believe.

this is what charissa wrote:

picture taken during the time we went to dahilayan park
I’m tackling a different and far more difficult topic today that I usually address on my blog. For the past few days I’ve been weighing whether anything more actually needs to be said but, my heart is heavy over it and there are some things I’d like to say.
If you comment here (and I hope you do), please write with honesty but, more importantly, write with grace. Remember behind every “problem” there are people. Living, breathing, feeling, loving human beings. We don’t need to flog each other with our words in order to communicate.
This post is an extremely simplified look at homosexuality and gay marriage.
For me this topic is one of the most difficult intersections of my faith and life in our world today. I’ve wrestled with it academically (in a counseling program), emotionally (with friends who are gay) and prayerfully as I tried to reconcile a God, self-defined as love, with the church’s heated and often scathing response to this topic. 
I understand why it generates such strong responses. This topic touches on every aspect of who we are as humans – the emotional, relational, spiritual, moral, cognitive and, of course, sexual. Responses are fueled by each of those components.
We’re holistic people responding to a holistic issue.
What breaks my heart is the way many are responding. I am not gay but…what if, as a Christian, I struggled with same-sex attraction? Would I find a place of safety, friendship and grace in the church or with fellow believers? 
Not with the majority, I wouldn’t.
Jesus was neither homophobic nor a gay rights activist. We misrepresent his character when we force him into either box. We seem to allow ourselves only two categories; liberal and loving or conservative and cold.
Those who are conservative must, must find a way to also be loving.
I should pause here and openly state that I fall into the conservative category on this topic. I believe marriage is between one man and one woman.
I believe it for some reasons I hold extremely sacred and, since boundaries are what preserve definitions, the way our cultural understanding of marriage is shifting scares me.
Christian marriage is representative of so many spiritually significant things.
God created two institutions: marriage and the church and marital intimacy is meant to reflect the larger structure and intimacy of the church body. Marriage is a divinely gifted, symbolic institution.
The intimacy between husband and wife represents the love of Christ for his church, the sacrificial love a husband should have for his wife imitates the sacrifice of Christ on the cross and His leadership of the church, a wife’s submission to leadership is reflective of the believer’s submission to their God. Marriage, at its core is spiritual (even though no marriage always feels that way).
“Did He not make them one, with a portion of the Spirit in their union?” – Malachi 2:15
There are aspects of God’s character a man represents and aspects of his character a woman represents. Together they are meant to be the fullest picture of God to a very hurting world; strong, sensitive, gracious, protective, loving, courageous, nurturing and warm.
A man and a woman’s one flesh union is deeply intimate. The way our bodies were created to connect is astounding; a man and woman are two halves of a whole. Symmetry, connectivity, life-long companionship.
That definition of marriage is foreign to our post-Christian, secular world. When sex is a past-time marriage is, at best, a loose contract. The reflections of the Divine grow fainter and fainter. 
Yet, I cannot abandon that definition. It’s written on my heart.
My faith requires I accept certain limits, certain boundaries, but it demands I love and serve everyone regardless of whether they fall inside, outside or around those limits.Just like my Savior did.
I also cannot forget the struggle many of my gay friends are facing. Their longing for intimacy, companionship and, yes, marriage is no less legitimate than mine. Sexuality is complex and, while a discussion of the supposed “sources” of homosexuality is far outside the scope of this post, I am strongly amiss if I suggest such desires can be easily resolved (for those who believe they should be)  or easily “dealt with” through heterosexual marriage, counseling or repression.
Let’s not confuse two separate issues – homosexuality and gay marriage and especially, let’s not belittle the emotions and desires of those who are gay by suggesting those things don’t matter.  Those of us who hold a conservative position on this topic also have a sacred responsibility to speak our view with grace and truth. We walk a fine line suspended over beating hearts.
I realize this post does not reflect the popular opinion, even among Christians, and I’m not sure how it will be received. The truths included are not new but there is much I didn’t touch on. I hope what was said has been communicated with both honesty and grace.

Thursday, May 21, 2015

a wedding i did not dream of

almost all of the girls i know have a dream wedding. dress, venue, theme, guests, song they want while they walk down the aisle, first dance, etc... not me. not every thing. 

there was only one thing i want - a short engagement. it turned out that i got engage exactly two years  early before i got married. what i wanted did not happen but God is an amazingly amazing planner.

"everything works out together for good to those who love Him and are called according to His purpose"

this has become true for ranley & i.

my wedding turned out to be much better than i could have ever planned. 

pinterest is awesome. and so are friends & family. 

so here's some photos before the ceremony:


for the record i would like to say that ranley & i are not cut out to a life of modeling. i mean, i look at magazines and this super glossy pictures of people who look really put together - hair in place, clothes just right, perfect little smile or pout - and i say to myself, i want to look like that. i have an idea it must be a hard, i did not know it was really hard. 

but we had so much fun & bloopers shooting this photos. i think james & his team made a very good coach and they were very patient. ranley & i are both not all that comfortable having our photos taken while there are audience (some of our guests arrived early) and we don't know how to pose! 
for a couple of inept and amateur poser we did pretty good, eh? 
these photos are amazing to me because in them we did not have our eye close, we're not picking our nose, etc 

ceremony/reception venue: garden & pool area, rancho cancio
video: Onins
hmua: bien ybanez hair & make-up
coordination & planning: ivy faith miranda 
styling: ivy faith mirand & jen tejas
flowers: pearl flowers
caterer: chai catering
music: mcof band
singer: kim mendiola
lights: alvin pepito
photography: air balloon project & che somber